Becoming HER — The Identity Shift Nobody Warns You About

H.E.R.
1 day ago
6 min read

Why, Hello Gorgeous! Let me be honest with you…

Nobody told me that stepping into a new version of myself would feel less like a glow-up montage and more like waking up in someone else’s life wondering, “Okay… who am I today?”

We talk a lot about becoming better, leveling up, healing, walking in purpose — but we rarely talk about the identity confusion that comes with it. We don’t talk about how weird it feels to evolve, or how you can be proud and terrified at the same time. No one mentions how out of place you might feel in rooms you used to fit into… or how conversations that once made sense now feel like noise.

Becoming HER isn’t always soft candles, matching journals, or a fresh silk press. Sometimes it’s silent battles, awkward transitions, and trying to explain to people that you’re not “acting different,” you’re just… being honest with yourself for the first time.

And it sneaks up on you. One day you’re living life the way you always have — on autopilot — and the next you’re questioning everything:

“Why am I doing this?”

“Do I even want this?”

“Is this still who I am?”

“Why doesn’t this feel like me anymore?”

And that’s when it hits you…

You’re outgrowing the woman you were, but you haven’t fully stepped into the woman you’re becoming.

Sis, that “in-between phase”? Whew. That’s the part nobody warns you about.

It’s where the shedding happens. Where your spirit starts whispering, “Baby girl… it’s time.”

Not just to heal.

Not just to elevate.

But to shift — identity, perspective, mindset, energy… all of it.

So let’s peel this back together.

1. The “Before” Version of You Didn’t Know She Was Temporary

That woman you used to be? She really thought she was the final draft.

She thought the stress she carried made her strong. She thought pleasing people made her lovable. She thought dimming her light made her humble.

But life has a way of tapping you on the shoulder and whispering, “Baby… you’re overdue for an upgrade.”

Here’s the thing though—your old identity won’t release you without a fight. You’ll question yourself. You’ll feel guilty. You’ll look in the mirror and not recognize who you’re becoming.

And that’s okay.

Becoming HER means outgrowing environments, habits, and sometimes even versions of yourself you never thought you’d leave behind.

2. The Identity Shift Is Subtle… Until It Isn’t

Transformation doesn’t show up loud. She creeps in.

You’ll catch yourself:

Saying no without writing a whole paragraph of explanation
Letting a text sit because you don’t have the emotional capacity today
Sitting in silence instead of chaos
Choosing peace even when petty is begging to come outside
Realizing you’re no longer attracted to the same drama, people, or patterns

Then one day, you wake up and think, “Hold on… who is this woman?”

Spoiler alert: It’s you. The you that’s been buried under survival mode, expectations, and everybody else’s needs.

3. New Levels Bring New Discomfort—Nobody Told You That

Everybody wants elevation, but nobody really talks about the discomfort that comes with it.

When you start becoming HER, you might feel:

Awkward — like you’re trying on shoes a half-size too big
Exposed — because becoming better requires honesty
Out of place — especially around people who only know your old self
Misunderstood — because growth has its own language

Sis, you’re not weird. You’re evolving.

Anything that shifts your foundation is supposed to feel strange at first. Think of a butterfly trying out its wings. Awkward but necessary.

4. Your Old Life Will Call You Back… Don’t Answer

Let’s be real. Your old habits, your old mindset, your old crowd—they don’t just let you go. They hit you with that “you up?” energy.

You know the vibe.

Stress tries to flirt with you again. Old triggers start knocking. People you outgrew suddenly notice you glowing and try to circle back.

Here’s the test: Can you hold onto the new version of yourself long enough to stabilize her?

Becoming HER is not a one-time declaration. It’s a daily decision.

A daily choosing. A daily realignment. A daily “I’m not going back.”

5. You’ll Grieve the Woman You Outgrew

This part? Nobody talks about it.

You can love the growth… and still mourn the girl you had to leave behind.

Because even if she struggled, even if she was overwhelmed, even if she didn’t always choose herself—she kept you alive long enough to become this version of you.

Show her gratitude. But don’t resurrect her.

You’re allowed to outgrow:

The roles that drained you
The beliefs that limited you
The relationships that shrank you
The patterns that sabotaged you

Growth requires a funeral. But it also promises a rebirth.

6. Not Everyone Will Clap for Your Becoming—And That’s Fine

When you start becoming HER, you’ll notice something…

Some people will distance themselves because healed-you no longer matches the version they built in their mind.

Some will question you. Some will gossip about you. Some will say you’ve “changed.”

And you know what? They’re right.

You were never meant to stay who you were at 20, 30, or even last year.

Please understand this: Growth will cost you people who never intended to go with you anyway. Stop grieving access you no longer need to grant.

7. Your Spirit Softens… but Your Standards Tighten

This version of you isn’t hard, she’s healed. She’s not cold, she’s clear. She’s not distant, she’s discerning.

You’ll start:

Requiring reciprocity
Setting boundaries without guilt
Choosing rest before burnout
Releasing what drains you
Expecting emotional maturity from yourself and others
Protecting your peace like it’s your paycheck

Sis… your standards aren’t high. You just finally understand your value.

8. Becoming HER Requires a Mind-Body-Spirit Glow-Up

Let’s talk about the whole woman—because this identity shift doesn’t happen in just one area.

Mind: You stop talking to yourself like you’re your own enemy. Your self-respect gets louder than your self-doubt. Your decisions start aligning with the woman you want to be, not the one you survived being.

Body: You start nourishing her. Feeding her what gives energy instead of what numbs the day. Caring about wellness—not to look good for others, but to feel good for yourself.

Spirit: You become grounded. Rooted. Connected. You start moving with purpose. You hear God clearer. And obedience stops feeling like a burden and starts feeling like freedom.

9. How to Stay Consistent in Becoming HER (Real Tips You Can Actually Use)

Because what’s a homegirl convo without the “okay but what do I do?” moment?

Here’s your starter kit:

✨ 1. Identify Your Next-Level Self

Write down who “HER” is in detail:

How she carries herself
What she entertains
What she releases
What she prioritizes
What she no longer tolerates

Move from that identity—not your old one.

✨ 2. Audit Your Life

Ask yourself:

Does this support who I’m becoming?
Is this draining or nourishing me?
Am I doing this out of habit or alignment?

Your future self should be the one making decisions—not your past.

✨ 3. Replace, Don’t Just Remove

Don’t just cut things off—replace them with better.

Replace:

Stress with strategy
Chaos with clarity
Busyness with boundaries
People-pleasing with peace-keeping

✨ 4. Give Yourself Grace

Becoming HER is messy. Some days you’ll show up powerful. Other days you’ll feel like you backslid into 2017.

Keep going anyway.

✨ 5. Celebrate Every Shift

Tiny wins matter. Sis, if you drank your water today? Celebrate.

If you told somebody “I don’t have the capacity for that right now”? Celebrate.

If you didn’t entertain chaos? Celebrate.

HER is built in layers.

10. Final Truth: Becoming HER Isn’t a Destination—It’s a Lifetime of Choosing Yourself

Listen…Becoming HER is not a one-and-done victory lap.

It’s a journey.

A process.

A daily “I choose me.”

Some days you’ll feel aligned.

Other days you’ll feel lost.

But every single day, you’re evolving.

You are becoming a woman you prayed for.

A woman your younger self would be proud of.

A woman your future self is grateful for.

So keep going.

Keep glowing.

Keep becoming.

Not perfect…Just purposeful.

Not flawless…Just faithful.

Welcome to HER.

You earned this.

As always, I'm eager to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments. Let's continue celebrating this beautiful creation of life's masterpiece together.